There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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