Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
