I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
