Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
