the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
