So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
