not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
