I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
