In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
