Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
