She announced her abortion via fbk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Still dying that you shit outside
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
