Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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