I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
