ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
