is your mom at the bar?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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