I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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