I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
