he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
