Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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