I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
