im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so let's talk penis.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
