omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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