He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
