I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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