you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
