I think my vagina is haunted
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
