I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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