Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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