im holly from the hills drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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