that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
