we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I forget how to act sober
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
