dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
