I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
