I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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