Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
