Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
