My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
