the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
