We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
two words...techno handjob
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
