Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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