At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dicks are not precious.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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