dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
