i already hear my dad disowning me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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