Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
