I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
