just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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