Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
