areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
