Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
