remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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