Girls should come with a carfax report
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
