Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
