...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I did not marry a roomba.
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